Mike's Day
by MissA540
Summary: Calling All Creepazoids! Come to the meeting of Bella Swan Stalkers Anonymous! Anger her boyfriend. Maybe she'll go out with YOU! Mike after a nonsuccesful attempt to get Bella Makes a club. Do you think Edward's happy about it? Do you want to? Do YOU?
1. Today's The Day!

Mike's POV

Stupid Cullen.

He thinks he can have her. Bella is _mine_. I can tell that she wants to be with me by how she looks at me.

He is done.

How can she be with him when she _obviously_ wants me?

He is probably, um, an abuser!! That's it!! It's the only reason she's with him.

I mean, she can't like him, right?

I mean, Mike Newton, half the girls at school sigh at that name!!

I should be the one kissing her at the lunch table right now.

I mean, she obviously wants me.

Wait, did I say that already?

Mmm, Bella. She is just so hot! That beautiful hair, the eyes that have the depths to peer into your soul…

And she decides that she belongs to _him_.

I just need a plan. A plan so that she will realize that she wants me!!

I just need to go to my parents store.

***NEXT DAY***

Bella POV

"Bella, honey, if you don't wake up your going to be late for school," my angel purred in my ear. I stretched up with my eyes closed, searching. He knew what I wanted, and kissed me softly on the lips before he chuckled.

"What is it?" I murmured, trying to snuggle my way into his arms.

"Just picturing that vile Mike Newton. He's going to ask you out again today, by the way.

"Ugh," I said, crushing my face into the pillow. "Doesn't he ever take a hint?! I'll always be with you, you'd think he'd guess that after a while?"

"Hmm," he murmured. "You seriously need to get up. You need breakfast before school."

"Can't we just skip?" I whined, while his eyes sparkled in amusement.

"We can't ruin Mike's fun now, can we?" Edward chuckled, and we started off to school.

Mike's POV

This is just the thing.

She'll never stay with Cullen now!!

I knew from the first day.

We are soul mates, destined to be together.

Forever.

I hadn't put Cullen in the equation.

I didn't really think about him at all.

I just knew him as the pale emo dude that all the girls threw themselves at. But he never accepted, so I didn't think of him as a threat.

After biology that one day, she never wanted to go out with me!!

I'm the hottest guy in the school, and who does she go to? Cullen.

Of course he would go to her! The one girl that I want to be mine, he takes.

But she isn't his. I know it. She can't be.

I and everyone else knows that she's mine.

"Hi Mike!!" an obscenely loud girl shrieks at me.

Oh. Jessica. I'll wait until I have Bella to dump her.

"So, how was your weekend? Mine was great, I went to Laurens and we st- er, went to your place and had tea with your mom!" Jessica babbled. Stalker much?

"Err, Jessica," I said, glimpsing Bella getting out of his car. "Can we do this later? I need to go, um, talk to someone."

"Sure." I all but knocked her down, as I raced towards the Volvo.

Jessica POV

That slut!! I cannot believe that she would have the nerve to pull up in _my_ boyfriends car while I was talking to my placeholder!!

Of course, Edward doesn't know that he's my boyfriend yet.

Ugh, as I see my placeholder, Mike, going like a lovesick puppy over to the car.

I don't see how either of them likes her. I mean, I'm way prettier.

But no.

She, the one that doesn't even wear makeup, gets them both.

She doesn't even need makeup!!

I need Edward, but she has him.

She doesn't deserve him.

Mike POV

He doesn't deserve her.

He kisses her right as I come up, so I have to waste five minutes watching him kiss.

He kisses like an amateur probably.

Well, it might be a while.

I'll just imagine I'm the one kissing Bella!

Mmm… Like that.

I can kiss way better than your Edward.

"_Oh, yes Mike. This is so much better than what Edward does."_ Imaginary Bella said.

Wait a second.

They broke the kiss.

Did he just growl at me?

"Is there a problem here?" a gruff voice said. Uh-oh. That's Cullen's brother, uh, Emmett.

"No," I said. "I just want to ask Bella something."

"What is it, Mike?" Ah, her melodic voice saying my name. That irritation must be hiding the passion that she feels for me.

"I, uh, was wondering if you will, go to a movie with me?"

"Mike. For the last time, I love Edward. I will only go to movies with Edward. And even if I didn't I would not go with you."

She's just saying that. She knows she wants me.

And I have a plan.

Bella POV

"Was he thinking what I think he was thinking?" I muttered to Edward as we were walking down the hall to my-our-English class. It really was amazing what he could get from the female administrators when he dazzled them.

"Yep." Edward said, annoyance still the prime emotion on his face.

"Don't worry," I said snuggling up to him.

"My heart will only, and always, belong to you." I said, pecking him on the cheek.

Alice came up, jumping up and down and giggling.

Edward read her mind and growled.

"What is it Edward?" I asked, puzzled of what could emit such a strong reaction from him.

"Mike… he's… OH MY GAWD!!" Alice crowed and laughed.

"Mike seems to think that the thing to do now is go to dinner with you and your father tonight. He seems to think that I must not be there for dinner, and he wants your father there to buffer him. He knows that Charlie likes him more than me." Edward explained, narrowly missing biting his own tongue off.

"So," I said sweetly, looking at him. "You'll of course be there."

"He's bringing a pizza." Edward said. "So don't cook anything, okay love?"

"Fine." I said. "And Edward?"

"Yes sweetheart?"

"Let's be a little… flamboyant with our relationship tonight, okay?"

"It will be my pleasure, love." As he winked at me, I felt myself smile deviously.

Things will change tonight.

***LATER TONIGHT***

Mike POV

I knocked on Bella's door, of course knowing her address.

Things will change tonight.

Now that she knows how I feel about her, she will have to dump Cullen and come to me!!

I put on my best grown-up suck-up smile, and waited for Charlie to open the door.

"Mike?" Charlie said, opening the door.

"Hello Chief Swan. I was passing by and was wondering if you would like a pizza?" I said, looking over his shoulder into the room.

No Cullen tonight, that is a fact.

"Um… Sure." He said, hesitantly opening up the door. "Come on in."

If I was really lucky, I'd find Bella's room and see what kind of underwear she wears.

I went in and called in my sweetest voice, "Bella, I brought a pizza."

"Why the heck," she came at me her eyes storming, "Did you buy me a pizza?"

"Er…" I said, not quite sure how to respond to that.

"Edward," She says ignoring me. "Will you come here please?"

I gulped. I definitely didn't expect that.

"I was just leav- I'm staying for dinner Cullen." I said.

"Of course," he said.

What?

How weird.

"Charlie." There was Bella's melodic voice again.

"Why don't you come in and eat?" She said.

Yes, I was finally getting through to her!!

"Mike, you sit next to Charlie, and Edward, you sit next to me."

Why? I bought her dinner.

Hmmph.

I'll come back later.

And serenade her!!

Dinner finished fast.

As I went out the door, I felt someone behind me.

Cullen.

"Now," he said, and I could hear the smirk in his voice. "You will never come here to dinner again. She is mine. You just annoy her, so stay away."

I'll just come after Charlie's asleep.

Then I will be all romantic, she won't be able to resist.

This is just too good.

***LATER STILL***

Edward's POV

I chuckled softly as I heard the boys last thoughts.

He thinks he can keep Bella away from me.

Well, if he is going to be going into her room, I'd better hurry.

"Rosalie," I said when she picked up. "Will you bring a camera over here please?

Mike POV

I am going to Bella's, to go through her window and us to proclaim our undying love to each other.

Sigh.

I waited until his car pulled away, and the lights went out.

I started climbing the tree when I heard snoring.

I went to the third layer, and it is already pretty shaky.

I am on the top, and if I swing my legs back and forth, I'll be able to jump into her room, coolly.

I start swinging, and swinging.

It goes farther and farther until… _bam_!!!

I went into the wall.

Ouch.

I crawl into her window, and I see her in her bed with her eyes closed.

"Mmm…" she murmured.

"Edward, I love you so much!!" She said.

Bella sleep talked?

Wait, 'Edward' I love you so much?

She must have said, 'Mike, come rescue me from Edward!! He is forcing me to be his girlfriend!!'

That's it. That's what she said.

I go closer and closer to her bed, when suddenly her eyes fly open and she shrieked!

"MIKE!! WHAT THE $%* ARE YOU HERE FOR!!! CHARLIE!!!! HELP!!!"

Oh no!! I went to the window, and Charlie came barreling into her room and saw me.

I was dead meat.

My mom would know!!

I went out the window before Charlie had a good look at me, and I don't think he saw me besides yelling "Newton!!!!"

I ran across the yard, over the fence, and away.

***NEXT DAY***

Bella's POV

"Honey, now you write down the name and how far away you want him to stay away from you." Edward said, the smile still on his features.

He, of course, was delighted that I decided to put a restraining order on Mike, and I was too.

He was getting to creepy and stalkerish.

We both went to school late, but when we got there, on the front giant tree were tons of pictures: Of Mike on the tree, Mike in running from the yard, all kinds of pictures of Mike's visit yesterday. They were threaded with ribbons saying "STALKER!!" and Rose, Alice, and Jasper were selling copies of the photos, posters, and scripts of what was said.

"You did all this?" I asked Edward.

"Yes." He said simply.

I then felt some arms on my shoulder.

Mike.

"Hey baby, how are you?" Mike said.

"Stay away from me Mike," I said cringing into Edward's arms.

"The restraining order said you have to stay a hundred feet from me at all times."

"Restraining order?" he said with surprise on his face.

"Yes, you pervert. Now stay away or you will be thrown in jail."

"I will always have your heart Isabella," he said as he walked away.

"Gross." I said to Edward.

"Your heart will always be mine," Edward said.

"Always," I vowed.

***MANY DAYS LATER***

"Mike, you have mail," My mom said. "It's from Bella."

I open the heavy, elegant paper and read the first sentence:

_You are cordially invited to the wedding of Isabella Marie Swan and Edward Masen Cullen._

There were dates and stuff to follow, but I just stared at that sentence over and over. I hadn't even _kissed_ her, much less get into her pants.

I was supposed to be this one.

I was supposed to have this written for me and Bella.

Should I do a plan?

There was a note inside.

_Mike,_

_The restraining order is temporarily suspended for the week before and the wedding. Use that wisely._

_Bella_

I will persuade her.

I'm Mike Newton.

What else do I do?


	2. Bella's Stalkers Anonymous

**So… I've decided to make this more than a one shot!! **

**Disclaimer: I am not the goddess of writing, Stephenie Meyer, because I can't even handle two boys, and those are cats. She can **_**humans**_**.**

EPOV

I looked at the adolescent children on the blacktop and sighed. Today would be another day of fighting off stares and whispers about Bella.

My Bella

"Edward?" My love asked me and I turned to look at her.

All the time I spent with her does not make me immune to her blood or beauty.

She is so pretty, and not like the phony blonds that starve themselves.

She has a perfect figure, she had beautiful, shiny hair, she has luscious lips and eyes that you could lose yourself in.

She was much more than that also. She was intelligent and funny, and she had a great, great bod…

I shook my head to dispel the images in my head.

Part of the problem were these annoying teenage boys that thought of her in that way.

Their thoughts were rubbing off on me.

I turned my attention back to her, where she looked at my expression with worried eyes.

"What is it, love?" I asked, hoping she wasn't going to tell me she was attracted to someone else.

"Why is the tarp in my truck bed moving?" She asked, undisguised panic in her eyes.

I looked closer, and indeed, there was something moving in the truck bed.

I listened closer, determined not to make my sweetheart panic.

_...Bella's gonna love this!!_ A person with a slimy voice thought to himself.

Grr. This girl has more stalkers than Paris Hilton!!

That vile Mike Newton still thought he had a chance with her!!

I smiled, and told Bella, "Mike is in your tailboot. Do you want me to take him out now, or do you want us to foil his plan?"

"Definitely foil his plan," she said, smiling in the cutest conniving way ever.

"I agree," I said, and told her my plan.

As we drove towards her house, I outline the plan in my head once more.

She pulled over and gave me a wink, as she took the keys out of the ignition.

She came to me and we started to kiss.

I winked as I heard Mike start to come out.

We kissed, so passionately that I almost forgot what was going to happen in 3…2…1…

"Hey Bella!!" Mike yelled as he exploded from under the tarp. "Do you wanna…"

I grinned. He had seen us, horizontal kissing on her truck seats.

…_.. Oh my god!! She lets him kiss her? Ew, I really wish that I hadn't seen that. I was just going to ask her if she wanted to go to a movie, and maybe my place afterwards….._

I growled and shoved off Bella.

"Listen, you perv," I found myself yelling while Bella was stifling giggles.

"You need to go away. Bella is mine, and will always be. She won't date you ever, even if I went away or whatever, and don't you dare say anything else about taking my girl out, and then going to your house, I will tear out your balls and feed them to you on a gold platter!! Do you understand?"

"Yes," he whimpered.

"Leave then. Now." My Bella told him.

I turned to her and thought, Why do you make everyone love you?

***AT THE HEADQUARTERS***

MPOV

"I'm sorry," I say to everyone.

"I didn't get closer today to Bella than anyone has. We are the Bella Stalkers Anonymous Club, and we are on a singular mission. We are trying to figure out what kind of underwear Bella wears."

I looked over the faces, twenty or so, including full grown men, boys from the middle schools, and the high school guys. We all have the same agenda. We all are trying to get her away from Edward. We will succeed, but I don't know when.

**Soooo…. I've decided that Mike is still doing his stalker ways. I sorta think that the paper has expired, so that we can do this still. Not as fun as an angry Charlie with a gun, I must admit, but pretty funny just the same. You know the drill. Review!! Just say like update or that was terrible, but just do two words or something!! You can even if you don't have a fanfic account!! So, review!!**


	3. Mission: Cullen House

**I don't own Twilight!! Stephenie Meyer does, or have you never seen her name on the cover of the book?**

Eric's POV

I will do this for the team.

For the club.

For Bella Swan.

Okay, not so much for her, but for the other dudes that think about her.

They must have really _nasty_ dreams.

I know that going to the Cullen place was dangerous.

Practically suicidal.

But we must know.

What kind of underwear does she wear?

Does she wear lingerie?

I look over at her, her long hair hanging down over her book as she intensely reads, her brow furrowed in concentration.

Edward puts his arm over her shoulder and frowns at me.

Edward. Gah.

Another reason not to do this.

He is really freaky.

He looks at you like he can take you anytime, anywhere.

He has a softening in his eyes when he sees Bella though.

He really cares for her.

But he doesn't deserve her. Neither do all the stupid jocks that are in the club either. She needs to be cherished, nutured, and loved, not just tools for... like the other guys think of her as.

I'll bet he thinks of her in that way two.

There's the bell.

I'm going in.

Edward POV

"Honey?" I asked Bella as we walked towards her truck.

I shuddered in my mind when I hear all the repulsive things the guys and girls were thinking as Bella and I climbed in.

…_she looks so hot…_

…_she doesn't deserve him…_

…_mmm right like that Bella…_

…_slut…_

…_ho…_

…_I'd like that skirt on my bedroom floor baby…_

"Yeah?" she said, genuinely surprised.

"Do you think that we could go to my house today?" I asked.

Confusion furrowed her brow. "Sure, but why?" she asked.

"You'll see," I said grinning at her.

I smiled even more when I heard her heart race.

Eric POV

I looked behind my back nervously until I reached my car.

As I pulled out of the schools drive, I kept looking nervously behind me.

I was at the start of the dirt road that went to the Cullen's house.

As I traveled through the tunnel of greenery, I had to look in front of me, and I still felt as if someone is watching me.

I parked the car and went to the trellis.

Climbing up three stories is no mean feat.

But I got there.

It was a nice room, I suppose.

But the thing that drew my attention the most wasn't the carpet.

It was the black photo book.

It's name?

"Bella's Lingerie"

I took the book and leafed through it. Wow!!

I have never seen this much stuff.

I'm taking this to the headquarters.

I see a rusty truck pull up and know I'm a goner.

I hid in the closet.

_Edward, is that Emmett's car?_

_No, Emmett isn't here._

_Who's car is it then?_

_Don't know…_

_There's a wallet in the back._

Crap!! My wallet was in the back!

_Eric Yorkie._

_Mike already stalked you, we need to make a list!_

I hear them come in, and I bent my head, praying.

I guess the wind opened the door, because the door suddenly opened and there was a _whoosh_!!

There was no one there, so I ran, scrambled down the trellis, and roared away from the Cullen's, never to return again.

***HEADQUARTERS***

Mike POV

"B-B-bu-but it was there! Pictures of all kinds of underwear, catalogued and styled!" Eric said, obviously almost wetting himself.

"We do not like fake work, Eric," I said, anger transforming me. "Go outside."

As he sniveled off, I felt a bout of pity for the boy.

The notebook he brought was fake, but the pictures were real, of Emmett and Rosalie doing things I never wished to have been brought to my eyes!!

He might have taken the wrong notebook, I reasoned with myself. Give him time.

You _are_ going to ask out Bella to prom and blackmail her to say yes. No one can do anything.

**You know the drill… Review!! Did you hate it? Did you like it? Was something wrong? I really do not care, but I love when my inbox says "YOU HAVE 14 NEW MESSAGES". **


	4. Another Reject

**Yadda, Yadda, just rub it in will you? I-sob-don't-sob-own-sob-twilight!! Here's your chapter, and thanks to futurejkrowling-x for giving me an idea for this chapter.**

TPOV

Mike failed.

Eric failed.

I won't.

I, Tyler, am going to get the photo album.

I just need to get to the Cullen's house.

Where is it, anyway?

EPOV

"Love, they are trying it again. Tyler is going after the forgery." I murmured to Bella.

She sighed and smiled.

"They are never going to give up."

I know. I so so know.

So ridiculous.

I wonder what Bella's underwear does look like?

Focus, Edward.

I will take the queen away from the fiends!!

And stuff.

I wonder what she's thinking right now?

"Bella, what are you thinking about?" I asked, curiosity burning holes into her eyes.

"The creepy stalker club," she laughed.

"Yeah. Tyler's coming to the house." I said.

"This should be interesting," she smirked.

TPOV

Okay.

I'm lost.

Men aren't supposed to say that. But I am.

So, so, lost.

I am in the middle of nowhere, on a dirt road.

Just when I was about to go back, it cleared out.

And there is the single hugest house I have ever seen.

I parked and walked up to the front door.

I told the mother that I needed to borrow a school book from Edward, and she pointed up the stairs.

Going down the stairs, I saw the most beautiful blond I have ever seen.

I smiled to myself. This is going to be fun.

"So," I said, positioning myself in front of her, "babe, you are hot."

"Definitely not interested, scum at the bottom of my shoes," she said.

"We can go to my house," I said, wiggling my eyebrows.

I didn't see anything, I just felt her fist connect with my hoohah.

As I was groaning at the bottom of the stairs, the big one, whatshisname?

Emmett, he came and looked at me murderously.

I groaned.

This is definitely not my day.

***HQ***

MPOV

Another failure.

Why?

Why?

No one can do it!!

We just want to find something!

It isn't even that revealing.

It is.

We'll wait for a new person to come.

They will then try.

**So, what'd ya think? Click the button, say something like boo or yay!! Or constructive criticism. I don't care really.**


	5. Infiltration

**I treated you guys yesterday… three chapters!!! Today I might not be able to, but I will keep updating. **

**I do not own Twilight!!!! If I did it would have been way better… :P**

Edward POV

I am angry.

All those children in the club are seriously annoying me.

They don't deserve her, those creepy stalkers.

I have a plan.

"Bella?" I asked, laughter lightening my tone.

"What?" She asked, inquisitive.

"How do you feel if I…" I asked.

"Feel if what?" She asked.

"If I join your band of stalkers, with you with me, both disguised?" I asked, looking as her face fell, and then perked up.

"That would be fine, but do you know how you get in?" she asked.

"Oh," I said, "I've got a couple plans."

Mike's POV

Cullen.

The bane of my existence.

I hate him.

Bella is mine, that is why we started the club.

Time to try again.

"Hey Bella," I said cheerfully, standing in front of her, effectively blocking her escape.

"Mike, get out of my way." She said wearily.

"No, I don't wanna." I said suavely.

"Get out of her way, Newton." A voice said behind me.

Crap. Cullen.

I have to find a way to talk to her alone.

"Bella," _he_ said, ignoring me.

"May I speak with you alone for a minute?" I asked, surprised but determined.

"Yes, love, I'll be right back," he said, kissing her while I was sneering at him.

I hope the glare put a bitter taste into his mouth.

"Cullen," I said, getting straight to the point. "That's _my_ girl, and I would appreciate if you kept your hands off her."

And do you know what he did? He laughed!!

"I think that Bella can say for herself who she belong to." He said, smirking at me.

"Okay, let's ask her!!" I said, jubilation lighting up my tone.

She would of course pick me.

Any woman would like the Mikinator.

Or 'Smooshy Bear' as my mom calls me.

Or… shut up brain, shut up!!

"Bella," Cullen said, staring at her with a puppy dog look on his face.

"Newton was just asking whether you belong with him or me," he said smirking.

I sneered back.

"I really like Edward, Mike. I do not like you at all. You were a nice friend, but you grew a bit to stalker-ish for my taste."

Yes Cullen!! In your face! She just said… oh.

I wasn't stalkerish!!

Okay, I was president of the Bella Stalkers Anonymous club, but still!!

What does she see in him?

Was it his looks?

Nah, I'm way hotter than him.

Was it his money?

I'll bet that's it!!

I just have to pretend to be rich, and she'll come running into my arms!!

This is just too good.

Edward's POV

As that silly Newton boy trudged away, I came to Bella and asked, "Let's go to Alice and get into our disguises."

I had gotten us both into the club, me as Paul Deeli, and Bella as Tori Applegate.

I got Alice to make us some disguises, like clothes "Bella" wouldn't be caught dead in, and wigs and contacts for us both.

She had also told us that she needed to put makeup on so that nobody could tell at all.

The meeting is tonight, and we will be ready.

**Sorry for the cliff hangar!! You will need to review to tell me to update, because when I don't get reviews, you don't hear the clickety-clack of my laptop in my house. R&R!!!!!!!!!**


	6. Authors Note wOneshot

**I know, I hate these to. I need to give you an explanation in why I haven't updated in so long, and this is why. **

**I've been sick for the last two weeks, and I am just getting up on my feet.**

**Also, my dad's computer broke down, and I have four chapters on there!!**

**So bear with me.**

**And because I hate these so much, here is a little oneshot.**

**It is not like the rest of Mike's Day, so if you get confused just remember that.**

**I do not own Twilight(insert something scathing and witty here.)**

Edwards POV

_Thoughts_

**Notes **Notes

"Dialogue."

_Ugh, look at them sucking face. I can do so much better, why can't Bella see that?_

I mentally groaned.

That vile Mike Newton is interrupting us again!!

Still wants Bella.

Still doesn't know that he can't have her.

Hmm….

"Bella darling?" I asked, humor evident in my voice.

"What Edward?" She said, looking up from her book, Ashes of Roses.

"Why don't we… Let me put this nicely. Prank Mike? Is that what you call it?" I asked.

"What would that require of me?" she asked, still suspicious of some of the things that Alice made her do recently.

"You'll see. It's quite simple, all you have to do is…."

Bella POV

Ugh!! Why am I sucked into this yet again!

Edward's 'hunting' so I sit at Angela's table as usual.

I turn to talk to her, but an obstacle stands in my way.

"Hey Bella, since Edward isn't here, do you want to go to a movie or something?" my obstacle said.

He's very thick.

"That's fine Mike, here he comes now!!"

He grumbled.

"Bella?" My angel said, as rehearsed.

"Why are you with him Bella?" he said.

In the recesses of his eyes, I could see humor.

"Edward," I sighed, according to the script. "I have to tell you something."

"What, Bella?" he asked.

"I really have liked Mike all along." I said, trying not to let myself laugh.

"Hah!" Mike said, laughing. "See Cullen, I knew she would be mine."

"Edward," Jessica said, looking like she won the lottery. "You can always come to me!! I don't mind being a rebounder."

Stupid.

"They were kidding, idiots." Alice said.

"No they weren't!" Mike said. Daft as always.

"Yes we were. You are just so stupid, you flirt with me and Jess with Edward, and really what we have is special!!" I said, almost cracking up.

Edward kissed me and we left the cafeteria, leaving a stunned Mike and Jessica being laughed at in our wake.

**Do I really have to say this? **

**I have the next chapter hostage.**

**You'd better review, or else it will take a long time for it to get up!!!**


	7. Edward Crashes the Party

**Sorry for not updating in so long! I know that there is no excuse, but I am really sick, and I am really tired! **

**Also, my dad's computer fitzed out, and it had two of the chapters on there!**

**When I knew that I wouldn't have the laptop in a while, I started typing on here.**

**BTW, if you like drama fics, check out Four Years of Suffering! I just put it up, and Elly89 asked if she could translate it into Italian!**

**If anybody wants to translate any of my stories into different languages, just PM me, or ask me in a review.**

**I do not own Twilight!! **

Mike's POV

The way this is going is not what I expected.

I want to have Bella dump Cullen and go out with me!

I realize that now.

We won't be obsessed with her lingerie anymore.

I'm also doing it cause I'm bored.

I'm bored of trying again and again!

So we'll try this now.

Edward's POV

"Bella…" I whined, looking at her while she giggled.

"What?" She asked me, her eyes bright with amusement.

"You know what." I told her.

"Stop your yapping!" Alice told me.

"We need to get a bigger shirt for you Bella," Alice said, looking critically at my shirt. "This one still hints of boobage."

**Ugh! We can't get another fashionable shirt on her, it would be too big!**

I mentally sighed at the purely weird images my sister was projecting.

Doesn't anyone think like ladies and gentlemen anymore?

***

I squirm uncomfortably in the car, while Bella laughs in the back seat.

"Why are you laughing? You are going to a meeting with a bunch of lust-filled boys that are stalking your alter ego! People don't usually laugh about that kind of stuff, Bella." I said angrily.

"It's just that you look so funny!" She said laughing at me.

Humph.

I guess that I do look pretty fashionable, but I don't think that it would be fashionable now.

Maybe in the sixties.

But really, not now!

I sighed as we got out of the car.

This will really be weird.

As we opened the doors I stifled a gasp.

There wasn't just some five perverted guys there.

There was fifty packed in this room.

This is not going to be pretty.

"Order! Order in the clubhouse!" Yelled Mike, in the seat on the front of the lectern.

"Yeah! Order in the clubhouse!" Yelled Tyler, a minute behind Mike.

"Crowley." Mike said.

"Right. Sorry." He said, embarrassed.

"Okay. We all know why we are here, correct?" Mike asked.

"Yes. It is because we want to eat the purple dinosaur named… Gregory!!!" Yelled Audience member #21.

"No. It is because we want to get Bella Swan to go to Prom with us, Monsieur Une Avec La Moustache." Eric explained.

"Oh. I do not go to prom. I shall leave now." He leaves.

"Fine. Anyone else who does not want to do this, please leave!!" Mike yelled.

"Most of us think she is f-ine." Some seventh grader in the back yelled.

Edward growled.

"Shh!! Do you want to expose yourself?" Bella hissed at him.

He snarled. Quietly this time, though.

"Good boy." Bella said.

"So, we first were trying to get her underwear-

"Ew." Bella whispered.

"But now we want her to go to prom with us-

"Not a shot in hell."

"So we have to break her and Edward up!-

"Ditto to above."

"Which some say will never happen, but I know differently! I know she loves me!!-

*Barfing sounds*

"And so, we shall now brainstorm on how to break them up. Put suggestions in the hat please!!"

And so, all of the people in the room started to converse, leaving me to giggle and snarl at their outrageous comments.

"Wow!" Mike said, suddenly breaking the silence. "We have been here for over two hours! I have curfew! Let's go! Meeting adjourned."

Everyone started going up, talking.

After everyone was gone, I went to the hat of horrors.

I felt very nauseated at some of the suggestions.

I will not put all of it here, because it would disgust you.

But, now I had a plan.

Whenever we now knew what was going on, we would take a picture, whether it is Mike sneaking in her room, or anything else.

We will then make posters, and use them on the tree which we did before.

Of course, Bella was bluffing about the weird document thing that police officers do now.

And I have an idea.

I'll ask her to wear her engagement ring to school.

I know she wouldn't really want to, but this is serious!

And maybe bringing Charlie in to fix things up….

Next day will be very interesting.

**Haha!! I will now think of ideas for Mike to do! You guys no you want to….**

**No More Childhood Innocence**

**Bella goes to Forks school. Edward and his gang bully her, so she moves with her mother. What happens when she comes back better, more beautiful, and determined to make Edward pay. T for mild language. Will like it if you are mad at Edward right now.**

**2. The Twilight Saga**

**The Twilight Saga as a parody. I am very, very random, so if you do not like this, I understand. But tell me, okay? Rated T cause I forgot whether or not I put swear words in there. Enjoy it!**

**3. Mike's Day**

**Calling All Creepazoids! Come to the meeting of Bella Swan Stalkers Anonymous! Anger her boyfriend. Maybe she'll go out with YOU! Mike after a nonsuccesful attempt to get Bella Makes a club. Do you think Edward's happy about it? Do you want to? Do YOU?**

**4. The Monster at Forks High**

**Bella learns that some girls that she really doesn't like are coming here! These mean girls are going after Edward! Hilarity ensues. Will the girls get what they ask for? And will Edward freak out at some of the antics the girls use to attract him? Funny.**

**5. Vampire to Burn**

**Modified by me and my friend Felicia, From Taylor Swifts Picture to Burn. Just a song fic, if you guys want to use it just review or PM me. Is not a Jacob/Bella fic! They are just friends.**

**6. Bullets**

**Series of oneshots. Named after the first one: In Twilight, Charlie doesn't take the bullets out of his gun. What does he think now that Edward's left Bella in New Moon? Coming up: Renesmee's Kitten.**

**7. Four Years of Suffering**

**Bella was left behind. Four years later, she is in college in Alaska. She finds a person from her past there. Can she forgive? Four months she might have, but four years? She is broken and bleeding. One-shot**

**BECAUSE I feel generous, here is the first chapter of my parody, The Twilight Saga!!!**

Bella: I'm going to Forks even though I hate it there!

Edward: I am an angsty vampire that is the only single dude in a house of family members!

***

Bella: Crap. I'm getting attention. I hate attention.

Edward: Why can't I read her freakin' thoughts?

Bella: Jess, that guy's cute.

Jess: (jealously) He's taken. By me.

Bella: You're dating him?

Jess: No.

Bella: ….

(Everyone does the Macarena.)

***

Edward: Agh! That girl smells good! I want to eat her!

Bella: That guys looking at me funny. Stalker….

(Everyone does the Macarena.)

***

Edward: (runs away)

Bella: Where's that creepy dude?

(Everyone does the ChaCha Slide.)

***

Bella: I thought you didn't like me.

Edward: I don't.

Bella: ….

Edward: We really shouldn't be friends.

Bella: Why not?

Edward: Because… Oh screw it.

(Everyone does the Macarena.)

***

Bella: (almost gets raped) Your looking at me funny.

Edward: ….

Bella: What?

Edward: You confuse me.

Bella: Why?

Edward: You should be freaking out so bad that you need to go to the hospital.

Bella: Oh. Well, I'm not. Yay!

Edward: (whispers) Weird. Yay!

(Everyone does the Macarena.)

***

Bella: I know what you are.

Edward: Say it. Out loud.

Bella: (deep shuddering breath) A mermaid.

Edward: Saywhat?

Bella: Crap, is that not it? A sprite. A Pixie. A Unicorn. I didn't get it, did I?

Edward: …. No. I'm actually a vampire.

Bella: Good. I was worrying you were going to sprout wings on me.

Edward: ….

(Everyone does the Macarena.)

***

Bella: I'm scared of your family!

Edward: Good. You at least have some sensibility.

Bella: I mean, what if they keep me away from you.

Edward: Holy freakin Cheescake Factory.

Bella: ….

(Everyone does the Macarena.)

***

Alice: Hi Bella! We are going to be great friends.

Rosalie: Grr.

Jasper: I'm not breathing.

Emmett: (does the Macarena.)

Esme: You are so sweet!

Carlisle: I'm a doctor.

Edward: My family is very weird.

Bella: What? No they aren't!

(Everyone does the Macarena.)

***

Edward: Let's play baseball!

Bella: Okay.

(Everyone does the Macarena.)

***

(Plays Baseball. Bad Vampires come. Bella runs away with Alice and Jasper, runs from Alice and Jasper, and goes to the playground thing in McDonalds.)

James: I want to eat you.

Bella: Not my mom!

James: … Yeah, your Mom's gonna die!

Bella: Le Gasp!

James: Come here!

Bella: Okay.

James: This is boring.

Bella: Sorry. Why don't we play go fish until Edward comes? Then we can pretend that I've been struggling a desperate battle for my life.

James: Sure.

(Later)

Bella: Do you have any twos?

James: Go Fish. Do you have any eights?

Bella: Yeah. Stupid Vampire Speed, you can always tell what I have!

Edward: Bella!

Bella: Edward!

James: Edward!

(Bella and Edward stare at him.)

Emmett: I'm gonna kill you now. (kills him)

(Everyone does the Macarena.)

***

Bella: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Alice: Bella, are you being killed again?

Bella: No.

Alice: Then what-?'

Bella: Edward's taking me to prom!

Alice: Aww!

Bella: I don't want to go to prom!

Alice: Le Gasp! Whatever, I'm going to make you look glam anyway.

(Everyone does the ChaCha Slide.)

***

Bella: I can't dance!

Edward: Weird. I can!

(Everyone does the Macarena.)

***

Bella: Make me a vampire.

Edward: No.

Bella: Oh sweet niblits. Please?

Edward: NO.

Bella: Pretty please?

Edward: NO!

Bella: Fine. I really want to though.

Edward: I won't let you sacrifice your soul!

Bella: Soul, Shmoul.

Edward: …

(Everyone does the Macarena.)


End file.
